So Labubu’s a toy? Nah — it’s the emotional support group for Gen Z’s existential dread. Meanwhile, Moutai’s just fancy booze with a PhD in social hierarchy. One’s for Instagram memes; the other for Wall Street’s after-hours panic attack. When your DAO crashes… you don’t sell toys. You sell meaning. And yes — your grandpa still owns it.

P.S. If your wallet can’t buy value… maybe it’s time to trade your anxiety for wine.